Self Gloating Moms

Meera called . She wanted to wish my daughter the very best for her exams. It surprised me as she never ever calls. She went on to chat about how today’s education system is full of competition and how its marks are really not the real barometer of anyone’s career or life. Since my daughter was in ICSE, she asked if they would be on par in 11^th standard with other kids. I said yes they would. I frankly feel a child should be allowed to learn and not made into a race horse that runs with his parent’s aspirations. We talked about how children get stressed and one shouldn’t do this comparisons..so and so forth.  Then she went to ask how much did my daughter score in the exams and after hearing her marks  went to on gleefully announce that her son gets 90% and was hoping for more in the SSC board exams. And was preparing for his engineering and also planning to study abroad. She went on to say that of course not everybody is a star and cut out to be engineers and it is important for a person to do what he/ she likes and some more things that were very contrary to what we were discussing just 5 min back...Oh yessss!!!  then I realised that this was indeed a clever and deceitful tactic of putting other people down and I had walked right into it. I had met many of these Self Gloating Mom’s in my life time. Their objective in life is to put others down...Now I am not a person who believes in calling people and insulting them but I certainly don’t like to take things lying down... I thought I had to return this favour.

I reminded her that I was not a topper in school or college ( she was a year senior to me). Also bought to her notice that I was a 70% average student, from a small town, finished my MBA  and worked out a career across the best of MNC’s and  had work life which was far more challenging and different than most other professions. And that I strongly believed however good your education is, at the end what matters is, what you do with it. I assured her like me, my daughter will eventually find place that belongs to her. My friend mumbled something about being late and then said a quick bye. Just to give a background (My wonderful friend was an engineer by profession and had worked for 3-4 in the initial years of her life and then did nothing of that career post marriage).

Yes , it important to me that my daughter does well economically and all that in life but one has to realize that each child has  different capacities. And for me it is important for her to be happy and a good human being. If I can succeed in that, then I feel that I have done my job as a mother.

Sometimes ghosts may be the last thing that will scare you in darkness

Humans at times are more dangerous than ghosts!!!

Maitreyee, my friend wrote this on her face book and it reminded me of an incident that happened in 1994. I was working in Mumbai and staying as paying guest in Vile Parle, in a flat shared by another friend, a journalist by profession. Those were the times when the STD calls used to be at ½ the rate post 11pm or something like that. It was our usual practice of going post 11pm to make call to her parents. Parla was a middle class Maharashtrian and Gujarati locality and was very safe .

That day it was past 11.30pm and we were walking back to our PG accommodation .We had only our wallets and house keys with us. The road was quiet except for few hawkers who were closing their wares and few people.  On the road just outside the walkway to our lane was a Police Patrol van.

  A man was walking ahead of us and turned into our lane a little after we turned inside. There were only two building and we thought he may be someone’s guest. Our apartment was before the second one. Again the man seemed to walk towards the other building but turned in to ours just after us. I thought maybe he made a mistake. Often people mistake one building for the other and so we let him go ahead of us. Most people had closed their doors and there was no security in building. My friend Jyoti (with her journalistic instincts) had sensed something amiss and pulled me back just as we entered the building. Not to be taken aback, I assured her confidently that this being our building, we shouldn’t worry about it. The man by then had reached on the top of first landing. He turned back and stepped aside saying “ jaiye jaiyee, gabhriey nahin..’. I felt it was weird but still started bravely going up. I was just about to go past him, when he turned and tried to grab my neck, since I was already instinctively aware, I jumped the entire steps in one long jump and was at the exit in the next step. My friend meanwhile ran out , screaming for help..Since the Police Van was just out side our lane, they came but by then the man had vanished.  He probably scaled over the back side wall and melted into the darkness.

The Police searched the place twice over but couldn’t find anybody. In this entire commotion not a single person from the building even bothered to open the door. The police had noticed us walking up in the lane and thought the man was our acquaintance. We were rattled to our skin or bones whatever the expression was. Needless to mention that we both  did not dare to report this incident back home. One thing we were sure of was that man was certainly not after our wallets as he had enough time to snatch it while walking with us or on the staircase.

As precaution we ensured that some always dropped us till our doorstep. I always made sure that my female subordinates or friends are always escorted till door step. I personally avoid travelling alone late at night. I also avoid any red eye flights from other cities because one is unaware of roads in a unknown city.

And last but not the least I thank God for protecting us that day .....

My Adventures with baking

Last afternoon, I woke up from my afternoon siesta, to the aroma of Banana Cinnamon cake with Tea..it was heavenly. Homemade bakes have something special about them. There is a taste of love, affection and great effort that blends in with all the goodies to give an unbeatable combination. My daughter too shares the same passion and I am glad that she too gets all excited about trying new things.

Late evening, she excitedly served a slice to my husband, who took a bit and said he didn’t prefer banana cakes. She was very dejected and actually this episode took me back in time, when I started baking at home and all my experiments were graciously/ or rather bravely eaten and encouraged by my father -Baba.It was his encouragement that added charm to my experiments. Mom ofcourse was a little strict on wastage of food ingridients, gas or electricity.

 My affair with baking started when I was 12-13 years old. At my mom’s place, although we were vegetarians, occasionally an egg was allowed. Mother had just learnt how to bake a cake and I added on to it by adding orange zests or lemon rinds or some such thing. The first oven was a round aluminium tin that was kept on gas with a little sand pit underneath it. The next one was an OTG and microwave came much later in life. There were no cookery shows like today nor was internet . So whatever you got from some magazines or recipe booklets that came with non-stick / new cooker was eagerly tried on. I tried many things from cakes, biscuits to buns.  Cakes turned out pretty good but cookies and breads were a disaster. Biscuits that needed hammer to break in or buns that tasted funny and cakes also sometimes behaved weird ...And Baba has the record of being one and only man who very graciously ate it...even if it had gone horribly all wrong. I remember trying to make a bread with wheat flour instead of maida and boy! It just refused to rise...not knowing what to do with it,lest my mother see's it, my bother served it to our dog Julie (who would gobble up anything) just turned her face away in sheer disgust.. My brother of course had a great time laughing at me and that was a joke that I had to bear for many years.

Remembering Smita Patil

Today my mind goes back when I was just out of school ...It was the early morning of 13th December 1986. My house was full with guests who had come for my cousin’s wedding. We all had chit-chatted through the previous night and hence had slept very late. Early morning on 13th December as usual, Dad had put on the radio in full volume and I was struggling to sleep. I really didn’t want to wake up on cold chilly morning in Pune...but the radio news was blaring away. It is then the news reader read out the tragic news of Smita Patil passing away...I couldn’t believe my ears, I was up in the next instant, trying to catch the balance news in numb state. Smita Patil ,one of the most talented actresses in my time, had passed away due complications post childbirth. Then Newspaper and Radio were the only means to get news( no media circuslike today). In my growing up years say from std 8th onwards I was fortunate enough to be exposed to meaning full movies on good old DD read parallel cinema. And in those years Smita Patil made a strong impression. It was her earthy and natural acting of course that connected and also had a soft corner for her because we shared a common name and a place ( Pune) too. Her roles in Arth, Bhumika, Manthan , Mirch Masala , Jait Re Jait , Umbartha ( Marathi) , Bazaar along with commercial films like Naamak Halal and Shakti or even Ankhir Kyon , Warris etc were unparalleled . She started as news reader and went on to become the most applauded actress in just a decade. She brought in the trend of wearing Puneri Cotton Sarees or even the Irkaal Sarees in grunge style( which were worn only by construction workers then). So much so that I often went to weddings wearing sarees of same kind and often in the plain jane way...it got evoked severe comments from my relatives like- ‘he ka lankecha parvaati sarkhi aaliye’ etc. Till date I love those kind of sarees and own a collection of them. I remember half the class running to the nearby Hiralal’s bunglow where Smita was shooting for Umbartha to catch one glimpse of The Smita Patil. I also remember having countless arguments with my friend ( Smita Sethumadhavan) on which was better Commercial Cinema or Art Cinema. My friend was a big fan of movies like Himmatwala and many other South produced movies. (my friend Smita actually added color to my life from commercial movies that she loved, I realised this much later in life and much later I stopped watching realistic cinema as it left me pained).. She was a feminist and yet she married a much married man, that evoked strong criticism against her imagery, her stand and we -Smita’s fans found it very hard to defend her then. It broke our hearts ( today of course I would say that it was none of our business but back then I was kid who idolised her). So after many years we still watch all Smita’s movies with same gusto and probably that’s why even today when I see Prateik on screen (who inherits her acting skills) I end up searching for Smita Patil in his expressive eyes and smile. This earthy and superbly talented actress who won all accolades nationally and internationally was all of just 32 years old and yet left behind an enviable body of work which remains and will remain untouched for ever..

( Disclaimer-The author has no copyright on this picture)

Teio completes four years with us

11th November 2007 was a remarkable day. Teio - our pet, a beautiful golden lab, walked into( actually garced) our lives. It all started about 4 months prior to that. Riddhi, I think, was in 6th std and she learnt that my Sis-in-law was preganant. She bawled her lungs out, stating she too wanted a baby at home or then, she bargained, atleast let us have a pet. And so, I melted finally seeing how much my daughter missed having sibling.

We had gone to Pune for Diwali and so we checked on a place that sold dogs. He said he had two pups. So off we drove to Kalewadi. He had one pup with him at that time. It was 40 days old, he said. Both Rajesh and me felt it was a lot less than 40 days and it was a female. The pup was curled up on the floor, tied with a string. It ws a poor little thing, golden brown with limpid eyes. I took it in my arms, it licked my palms. The other option was 3 month old Rotweiler and a 6month old Cocker Spaniel. Rajesh ofcourse ws very keen on Rotweiler, I said, we wanted a pet not a hound..and the Cocker Spaniel ws a little older. So we settled on this little cute pup.
That evening, Rajesh got a wicker basket put lovely satin cloth and ribbons and put the pup into it. This was our surprise bithday gift to Riddhi. She had an unbelievable expression on her face.

 We travelled back on same night. Through the journey the pup slept on my lap. We reached Thane at midnight and at home we made small cloth bed for the pup by our bedside, but she refused to sleep, she missed her home and cried thru that night. I kept picking her up, rocking her to sleep. She kept crying, chewing my finger. I was very worried but next day onwards Teio settled into our home. We decided to name her Teio.

 Teio quickly responded to her name. The next few days was busy, trying to work out her feeds, poos and pee timings. I normally warmed her food in microwave. So eachtime she heard the microwave beep, she would come bounding back to kitchen. She was very sharp and playful but never destructive as a pup. Though she was left alone at home, she never tore or chewed on anything valuable. I have a huge open bookcase but till date Teio has never ever shredded a single book.As a pup she liked eating the left over wick of the oil lamp that lit in front of God. First few days I cudnt understand as to why the whole of wick vanished. Teio loved the oil left in the lamp and so with that the wick was also consumed. She loves sitting for puja right next to me. Once I had bought lovely lotus flowers and offered them to god in the temple at home. I had gone down for about an hour to run some errand.  When I returned, I opened the latch and was aghast at the sight. The whole hall was strewn with lotus flowers shredded and spread across the huge hall. That was a sight I still can never get out of my head. I feel, to recount every single thing that Teio does, will take me pages and pages. She never ceases to amaze us with her ability to comprehend whatever we communicate. Infact it is a standing joke in our house that though we both are experts in the field of communications, Teio is Master in Communications.  All I can say is that we are truly blessed to have in our life. She has filled our life with love and lots of love.

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